Storming Heaven

I believe in prayer.

My life is a prayer.

I desire more prayer.

I pray for all of my blogging and FB friends (not always by name, but generally).  If you wish to be prayed for by name, let me know and I'll add it on and actually SAY your name and think of you when I pray.

I want to be a Saint one day . . . so I can continue to intercede for you all for eternity. 

But, sinner as I am, the least of all that I am, I ask you to humbly pray for me, too.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, ora pro nobis.  Amen.

Sharing, Because It's Too Beautiful Not To . . .

From the Damien-Dutton Society for Leprosy Aid, Inc.  616 Bedford Ave., Bellmore, NY  11710:  (a prayer card I picked up at a church in Baltimore at the MCCW Worldwide conference last October):

COME, HOLY SPIRIT

Replace the tension within us with a holy relaxation.
Replace the turbulence within us with a sacred calm.
Replace the anxiety within us with a quiet confidence.
Replace the fear within us with a strong faith.
Replace the bitterness within us with the sweetness of grace.
Replace the darkness within us with a gentle light.
Replace the coldness within us with a loving warmth.
Replace the night within us with Thy day.
Replace the winter within us with Thy spring.
Straighten out our crookedness,
Fill our emptiness,
Dull the edge of our pride,
Sharpen the edge of our humility,
Light the fires of our love,
Quench the flames of our lust.
Let us see ourselves as Thou seest us,
That we may see Thee as Thou hast promised,
And be blessed according to Thy word:
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they shall see God.

Prayer Is Always Beneficial

I'm in week two of Total Consecration.  I've been doing this since 2006.  It has changed my life from the onset.  Every year, as I spiritually travel the road to renewal, I encounter something new to work on so that I can better be a disciple of Christ.  Mary is a tremendous help in that regard.  Totus Tuus!

I am one Rosary shy of completing a promised Spiritual Bouquet for a friend's husband currently in formation to becoming a Deacon.  In saying that, I am admitting that I haven't been praying the Rosary daily . . . oops!  Even I fall off that wagon now and again.  If I hadn't gone off from the daily Rosary, I would have completed those promised ones ages ago.  But, I know in my heart that it's okay.  Good things cannot be rushed.  I prayed these Rosaries in earnest - and included many of your private/open intentions right along with them.  In no way am I sharing this to garner thanks.  It is our duty as Christians to pray for one another!  I'm so glad that God has placed this urgency on my heart!  I know so many who struggle with rote prayer let alone just openly chatting God up.  He likes both!  He likes your attention!  Just keep praying - even if you say absolutely nothing, but just BE in His Presence.  Oh, He loves that!!!

This morning the Rosary was intense.  I cannot explain it other than it was effortless to recall each person . . . as I prayed their/your faces were clear as day in my mind's eye and what they/you needed, too!  This has never ever happened to me.  Ever.  It was also one of the most un-rushed, peaceful prayer times I've had in a long time.  I love it when He allows me to "feel" (and this is so unreliable and feeble in many cases) that I'm doing His Will.  Not pridefully boasting that I know exactly what He wants and that I'm doing it, but that inner knowledge only He can impart that He is nudging me to know I am doing just as He Wills.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, when I would force a recall on a particular person, the "sense" wasn't as strong, but when I allowed the Holy Spirit free reign, the prayer would deepen in a way I cannot put adequate words to.  The difference, I think, is that between the two, I got the sense that those the Holy Spirit invoked needed prayer more so (I felt almost like I was outside of myself seeing these people).  Whereas, for example, I asked God to help Rachel (who is home w/ a stomach bug today) it was more of a request, like, "here is the need" and immediately the Holy Spirit would move me on to a person in real need (if that can honestly make any sense), like, a few of my friends mother's who are ailing something fierce (hospitalizations and surgeries kind of stuff).  I have a friend who's mother is having a very hard time of it right now and when I saw her face, I could see all her troubles (even some I'm sure was never shared with me by her daughter) . . . and this mom, in particular, held through at least two Hail Mary's; very deep and I felt warm all over.

Does anyone else experience prayer like this?  Please let me know.  It is so hard to explain it.  But I wanted to share with you how wonderful and good it is to pray - and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you.

"Let go and let God" has a new meaning to me today.  I pray this for each of you.

Divine Mercy: He Works!

I know most of us are absolutely smitten with Britain's newest Royal Princess, however, it is time to switch gears on my blog.

I had a dermatology appointment this morning.  As you may or may not know, I had melanoma in-situ in 2007, which left a three-inch scar on the back of my right thigh.  I'll always be grateful that my husband noticed it and kept pestering me (for yonks! - when he got back from his year tour in Diego Garcia, back in 2001 - so yes, it was ages I put off going in about it) to go see a doctor.  I'm so thankful it was in-situ, therefore, localized and had not spread to my lymph nodes and/or other organs.

I am supposed to be screened annually.  Do you think I ever have?  No, of course not, because I am a blittering eejit, first class and certified!  No, I have not, because life has a funny way of shelving things that we seem to either not want to appear to worry about or that we just missed a bad thing by a hare and ignore the rest.  I was in the later group for a long while.  I did get a screening before moving here in 2009 so it isn't like I have totally goofed it.  However, I was not playing by the rules of safety.

So.  I went to my appointment with my tail (yes, didn't you know I'm a hybrid of some kind of dog?) tucked between my legs . . . ashamed to be honest about my lack of concern.  I was honest.  I laid it all out there.

I was so nervous my stomach was gurgling and my intestines were twisting to the point I was cold sweating.

I'll back up a bit here and "plug" the Divine Mercy Chaplet.  I've been praying it daily since my friend, Dawn, let me know she was pregnant with Christopher (he arrived March 18, btw).  I am praying the DM Novena this week, because, PRAISE GOD!, Pope John Paul II will be declared Blessed on Divine Mercy Sunday (this Sunday).  I want to be a part of this great happening!  I am a huge believer in the graces given via Divine Mercy.

So, wrapped in nothing but a thin cotton exam cloth, I'm stewing in my nerves and I start asking God to help me so I don't unload my innards in the clinic.  I was seriously getting close to putting my clothes back on and rushing for the nearest toilet, I was that fussy.  This is the prayer that came to me, totally inspired by Divine Mercy:

"Jesus, I trust in You.  I trust you with my whole body.  I trust you with my heart.  I trust you with my bowels.  I trust you with my stomach.  I trust you with my mind.  I trust you with my thoughts.  I trust you with my words.  I trust you with my works.  I trust you with my hands and feet.  I trust you with my very being.  I trust you, Jesus, with my husband and our marriage.  I trust you with our children:  Connor, Rachel, and Christian.  I trust you with our respective families and friends.  I trust you, Jesus, with the world.  I trust you with the weather.  I trust you with the Sun, Moon and stars.  I trust you with all that you have created.  I trust you, Jesus, with this very moment.  I trust you with who I was.  I trust you with who I am.  I trust you with who you want me to become.  Jesus, I trust you with your Church and Our Faith.  I trust you with our leaders.  I trust you in your Mother, Mary, and all the angels and Saints.  By Your Grace and with the help of Your Mother, grant that I may trust You more and more each and every moment.  Stay near me, Jesus, and help me to trust you even when I say that I do and there's that small doubt that I may fail in trusting you.  Amen."

My cramps instantly were gone.  I was filled with His peace.

That's no small feat, in my book.

Letting Go . . . .

I have a problem.  It's called anxiety.  I am a worry wart!  Lately, I've been walking about with Mr. Doom in my head spinning all kinds of tales.  Eventually such anxiety wreaks havoc on my body . . . which then makes me think there really may be something wrong with me.

I am going to the doctor to discuss my stomach issues and see if I can get anywhere with that.  However, outside of that, I can't fathom what else could be possibly physically wrong with me.

Therefore, I am praying that God be with me and help me let go and give it to Him.  To not fret over every little thing.  Life is serious, of course, in many ways, but much of what I worry over has not one iota of my control.

Since I'll be on Molokai one day this week, I am hoping to leave my worries with St. Damien.  Perhaps Blessed Marianne Cope can lend a hand as well.

St. Joseph, ora pro nobis.

In any event, I am puttering about the house doing all the cleaning I boasted about doing earlier in the week on FB.  HA!  Seriously, I did get one bathroom clean and I did do the floors . . . but then I sat.  And sat.  And sat.  I mustn't do that.  I must stop working on my circumference!  So far today, I was woke by my daughter (who is on her Confirmation retreat) who is not feeling great, but we are trying to get her to stick it out (after all, what is ailing her ails all women most of our lives, ahem).  After we chatted and said we could come get her after the evening program (the most important of them, agreed upon w/ the teacher), I think she was able to calm down a bit.  Keeping my fingers crossed at this point!  Then, I managed to start the laundry (and I shall continue to do it until it's done - at least for now), clean the microwave/range, and scrub my bathroom to kingdom come.  The only other task I avoided last week is cleaning the 1/2 bath downstairs.  Well, that's next . . . once I cool off from having done mine.

It's keeping my  mind off stuff, I'm burning calories (that's something for this chunky chick), and I'm praying while I do so. 

I'm also going to take a walk once I'm done with this puttering.

Ach! There's the dryer!  Time to dash off and keep going.

Addendum at 1:54pm, HI time:  everything is done, except the laundry, but that is just two more small loads.  I'm so pleased that I've managed this tasking!  My arms are tired - all that scrubbing motion they're not used to.  I've begun to read Christ, Life of our Souls by Blessed Columba Marmion as well.  Time with God is time well spent!

Soup and Stations

We didn't attend any Soup and Stations last year and haven't gone this year (so far) either, yet we are going tonight. 

I'm glad.  I have much to be thankful for and much to pray about . . . giving it all to Him:  Japan, my own personal problems (health and otherwise), and my love.  I have a great life and I'm much obliged to Him Who gave it me. 

Mary, Mother of God, ora pro nobis.

More on Mercy

I'm not sure if I shared this about the 2008 conference in San Antonio on the old blog (I'm too tired and/or lazy to bother to dig through that dusty place again), so I'll just write about it here.

I make rosaries . . . not as often as I ought! . . . for missions (I've sent out one box with about 200 rosaries ONCE).  I guess that counts for something!  I've taught others how to make them, too.  I only really figured out how to make them, because Dawn patiently showed me how to tie the knots (she wasn't that great at it then, but she knew how to do it!!!  BTW, she makes great rope rosaries these days).  I also taught myself how to make the metal and bead rosaries from Lewis & Company.  The reason I started making them?  I felt moved to in order to apologize to Our Lady for destroying so many of them in our household during a time of great confusion and anger in my life.  Yes, I can relate very well to Scott Hahn's story when he told of busting up his grandmother's rosary.  I so "get" that, and, I also "get" how he felt/feels when he thinks back on that great error!

When I was at conference (2008), during a regional meeting, one of the ladies stood up and announced her rosary had turned gold during Adoration.  She also said, "This is the second time this has happened to me!"

I admit I was an Ass Giantess when I said, just loud enough for my friend beside me to hear, "Why her?!?!"  Inside, I was just boiling with jealousy!  I was thinking, "C'mon!  I've been doing 'everything' and I want that kind of thing to happen to my rosary!"  I dream about it happening, I want it so bad, yeah?

My friend sitting beside me slapped my leg and admonished me for being so uncharitable.  She was right to do so!  I knew that then as I know it now.  It's embarrassing to admit I was so ugly about this.

That day was filled with emotional and good things. . . . the healing Mass and all . . . that evening is when the priest who did the Divine Mercy talk gave me a rosary.  Well, what was so special about that rosary?  It was given to him by his friend John Paul II.

Mary, in her utmost kindness, came back to me that same evening and, I think, gave me something much richer and more meaningful than my rosary turning gold.  She gave me refinement through the gift of humility.  Acceptance from this humble priest (who I also harshly judged in the beginning - because he was so "into" Divine Mercy" and he was the kind of person who looked at you, to the left of you, to the right of you, and right through you at the same time - eerily, I might add), and a gift, such a gift!  A mission to pray!  A mission to be involved in a much more personal way with Divine Mercy.

Even after ignoring or setting DM aside as, regrettably, often as I have . . . He's still calling me.  He's calling all of us to be Mercy to others.  Pray for one another, pray for the sick and dying, and, pray for the souls in Purgatory.   If you can't do something physically merciful, or, say something merciful, take it upon yourself to PRAY something merciful.

This is my daily mission.  It's such a gift!