Some Crosses . . .

Well, this afternoon I put George the longevity Beta fish out in the garden.  This wasn't as hard as Friday night's horrible horrible horribleness.  But, still, George was a living, created creature.  He was rather dull, but still a living creature.

He certainly wasn't Holly. 

Our beloved Holly was put to rest Friday night.  My heart hurts for her.  She was just a few months past four years of age.  It seems so unfair!  Wednesday night she had a nose to the backside encounter with a poisonous toad on our back lanai.  I thought, she would be okay, because she maybe didn't even touch the darn thing.  However, Thursday morning and most the day she was rather "out of it" and lethargic.  I thought, "Oh, dear, maybe she got a bit of poison, but as deadly as the toads are to dogs, I think it would be far worse so it must be she's getting sick."  I opted to keep watch.  By Thursday night she was walking funny (her back legs weren't obeying her at all . . . she stopped eating and drinking for the most part).  Friday morning I took her to the vet hospital where she was diagnosed with a ruptured disc in her spine.  The options were expensive MRI with expensive surgery, and, really, it was a "crap shoot" for recovery.  I don't have $6k to fork over (but they have a payment plan . . . yeah, not happening).  If Holly's life would be guaranteed relatively good after surgery, I might have jumped at the chance, but with that sort of thing, it's not a great outlook.  She may still have needed a cart for her hind-quarters just to get around.  Bleak.

Bleak as bleak can get.  I opted to take her home and kennel her (restrict her movements as much as possible - even though she wasn't moving anyway).  At that time she could still hobble about.  I have her the first round of steroid and pain meds.  That evening, however, she had defecated and peed all over herself.  She could no longer walk.  Essentially, the vet said if/when that happens even emergency surgery may not restore her to optimum health (hence the cart for her hind-quarters).  It was quickly apparent to me that Holly's quality of life was not going to be good.  She was scared and in a ton of pain.  She would never jump up again.  I couldn't bare that, not even in my thoughts. 

What made it terrifically hard was Dan was away . . . he came home yesterday afternoon.  I've been better with him home.  It's still not right yet . . . I will miss how he played with Holly.  They were so cute together. 

Before 7pm she was at peaceful rest in my arms.  I felt her last breath.  I hope my holding her at the last was of great comfort to her.  She was my baby girl . .. . my little "dum dum". 

I will miss her tremendously.  This is a heavy cross.  But, I know I'm not shouldering it alone.  Thank You, Jesus.  I trust in You.

You Can Find Me "Over Here"

if you want to follow me on over to my Catholic blog, which  I will be writing at sporadically about Our Faith, come on over to:  Signs Of Faith and Love .

Aloha!

I'm Closing Down and Saying Adieu!

A local (on island) friend of mine won the book on Downton Abbey (in case anyone was wondering). 

I am tired.  The reason I blog is to get feedback.  Some of you are alright with few, if any, comments, but not me.  I know I don't write politics, happy-all-the-unrealistic-time mom at home w/ the kids etc., posts, but I can't.  It's not me.  I love to write, but I think I'll stick to a diary from now on.  With the advent of Google reader, many of you claim laziness to commenting (and, I understand).  I even tried harder to comment more often on other blogs lately.  And, many of the blogs I was reading are gone now . . . or posting so seldom, I forget to check back.  Oh, well. I'm running out of time to do real life so this has to give (since the payback is very little).  It's not any one thing or anyone, really.  Just me.  The tides are changing and I think I'll go for a swim.

Wishing you all God's best blessings.

Dear Christ:

I want so badly to please You, Lord, with my thoughts, actions, words, and deeds . . . and I need You beside me to guide me.  I would love to write resolutions and stand by them like a stubborn kid in a candy store crying for candy!  I want to be relentless in my pursuit of pleasing You.

Help me be kind to every single person I meet.  If I fail to do so, even in my thoughts, may I quickly ask for pardon and may a Hail, Mary be boldly on my lips!

Help me remember that I have a family to feed and keep . . . so I do not buy "things" on a whim of feelings of wanting, but rather, withhold from buying and just trust You to provide the goods to fill my emptiness.  Let me first think of You, then talk to my husband about our budget and tell him what I want/need so we can do this together.  If I fail at this, help me remember Your Mother, and how trusting and resourceful She is!  I know Her example will encourage me.

That's it.  I just want to love You and the gift of my family that You blessed me with.  If I'm generous with kindness to all and love my family in all the ways I can (being loving, but also a good steward of the money, gifts, and talents I have, because of You) . . . well, I'm blessed enough.

Amen.

Happy New Year

I was quite busy this morning, but only a short while.  I went to the army hospital to keep an eye on a child who's mum was delivering his brother!  I got to the hospital about 9:30am and baby was born at 9:52am!  The parents checked in about 7:30am at 6cm dilated, so it was a quick labour and delivery!  It was truly a privilege to be there (I did not witness the delivery, I was in the waiting room with their oldest son, but obviously not very long).  I'm glad I was able to get there in time so that he didn't have to see and hear his mum in such distress.  I don't care how short and "easy" a delivery seems, it's still a delivery!

I spent some time this afternoon with the boy so dad could be up with his wife and new son.  It was grand, I tell you, to play with this guy.  He's full of energy and joy!

I'll be taking care of the older boy again tomorrow morning and hoping that the parents and new babe get to come home together when I'm relieved of duty.  The mum's parents will be here Wednesday.

I love happy stuff like this.  Life is good and God is Awesome!

I meant to post a picture of my new car.  Yes, Dan got me the Ford Focus Titanium (2012).  It's beautiful and full of gadgetry that boggles my pea-sized intellect!  I shall get it down eventually.  It's brill!  Pictures to follow soon, I promise.

Happy and Blessed New Year!