What's Happening Hot Stuff?

I went to the library earlier this week and picked up some books to read.  You are all surprised by this no doubt!  One of them is the book Steven Tyler wrote about himself.  I know it's called an autobiography, but what I would call it is . . . not for me.  I thought as much back when it was first advertised and almost bought it.  I'm so glad I did not buy it and I'll be returning it to the library with only two chapters read.  I looked at the pictures, too.  I expect that a rock star would use certain language and have lived a certain flamboyant life that includes excesses of sex, drugs, and drinking.  I "get" that rockers can be a bit crass and crude.  However . . . this is his legacy?  A book about all that with excessive cussing and crude remarks?  Of course, to be fair, the book isn't the sum total of who Steven Tyler is - it's definitely who he was, but I don't want to really know all that.  That should be private.  ((Not Hot))

What is hot is this country.  Sweltering.  Unforgiving.  HOT!  I am praying for everyone to stay alive - the elderly and young are really susceptible to dying in this kind of heat.  You all know I live in Hawaii, but it's not nearly as unbearably hot as the rest of the country.  Not even.  I suffer in 85 degrees with the sweat trickling down my back and front like a waterfall.  I can't imagine the heat y'all are suffering.

I nicked this lovely picture from Easter's blog.  Rachel hasn't risen out of bed yet to upload the ones she took with her toy.  Thanks, Easter!  (right to left:  Fr. Daren Zehnle, me, Easter, and Esther).  I love to meet up with blogger friends in real life.  I have to ponder at this moment just how blessed I am!  This was the first time I was able to meet Father Daren (he frequents the island from time to time) and Esther.  Easter and I have met a few times (and I just love her!!!) . . . Now I can love Father and Esther just as much, too!  Oh, I did before!  Trust me.  Wonderful people!  We hope to host Father in our humble home Sunday afternoon.  He will bless our home and have supper with us.  I'll get a pie from Anne Miller's (I can bake an apple pie, but theirs is better; apple pie is all I can do as far as pies are concerned).  We did discuss popping in to AM for pies but I think it was getting late (almost 10pm) when we left Bravo's.  I know this is terrible of me, but I asked him to come Sunday afternoon rather than tomorrow to "buy more time" to get my house in order.  I know y'all understand that.  But, no worries.  We'll (me and the kids, yes the kids!!!) are going to whip this ship into shape today.  In case plans change and tomorrow is the only day he can come - I want to be ready! 

I remember telling Father that I wasn't too certain that I wanted to link my blog up to Facebook.  I have this human weakness about exposing myself too much to those I already know in real life.  It makes absolute zero sense.  I cannot live in a bubble assuming I'm protecting myself from criticisms of others.  I either believe what I write here or I do not.  Well, I do.  And, I actually OWE those I know the real me.  Right?  So, some how I'll try and link this up (not sure how, but we'll all know if I get it right).  Besides, I cannot help it if I might make some people uncomfortable.  Some people make me uncomfortable, but I don't love them any less. 

Well, I need to roll up my sleeves and get busy around here.  The Princess of Procrastination needs to get moving!

Sharing, Because It's Too Beautiful Not To . . .

From the Damien-Dutton Society for Leprosy Aid, Inc.  616 Bedford Ave., Bellmore, NY  11710:  (a prayer card I picked up at a church in Baltimore at the MCCW Worldwide conference last October):

COME, HOLY SPIRIT

Replace the tension within us with a holy relaxation.
Replace the turbulence within us with a sacred calm.
Replace the anxiety within us with a quiet confidence.
Replace the fear within us with a strong faith.
Replace the bitterness within us with the sweetness of grace.
Replace the darkness within us with a gentle light.
Replace the coldness within us with a loving warmth.
Replace the night within us with Thy day.
Replace the winter within us with Thy spring.
Straighten out our crookedness,
Fill our emptiness,
Dull the edge of our pride,
Sharpen the edge of our humility,
Light the fires of our love,
Quench the flames of our lust.
Let us see ourselves as Thou seest us,
That we may see Thee as Thou hast promised,
And be blessed according to Thy word:
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they shall see God.

Words Might Come To Me . . . .

The Bainbridge Island High School Graduating Class of 1988 has lost another member.  Rest in peace, Bryan Sanders.  I am so blessed to have caught up with you through Facebook and all the chats we had on the phone these last few months.  You taught me a lot about accepting a situation and living regardless of it.  So, complications from diabetes finally took your last breath, but I'm betting God and his angels are helping you along in a much better place now.  You can see once again and do all those things you haven't been able to do for so many years now.  You'll still be making me laugh here, because I'll always remember you and how you so easily chuckled and made light of every situation. Thank you for making me think about what to make my family for dinner every night.  I'll never forget you always asking that.  Life is food and food is life.  Thanks for making it fun!

Checking In and About Forgivness and Love

I wrote and tried to post yesterday, but the "save feature" of Blogger was on the fritz, I think.  Needless to say, my post is gone and nowhere to be found.  Blogger certainly has its days where it sorely disappoints me.  I wanted to post about the show on OWN called "Finding Sarah" (as in the Duchess of York).  In a nutshell, I cry when I watch her journey in trying to find herself.  She, not unlike the rest of humanity, just wants to be loved and admired.  However, her need is terribly great, because she doesn't know how to grieve what is lost (even when it's been lost for years - because she never really grieved in the first place).  She felt abandoned by her mother at age twelve (her mum ran off to Argentina with a lover), and, her life spiraled from one thing to another when she wed Prince Andrew.  She had the Queen's admiration and the public - respect and love from everyone!  However, she is a royal and cannot share her heartaches - she must wear a mask and continue to beat down and ignore any anger, rage, or sadness in her life. 

She's an approval seeking addict.  Even when it's negative press.  When I watch her respond to inquiries from professionals trying to help her, I can see she is lost.  She has been conditioned to just BE and KEEP SMILING.  She's on the road to recovery, because she wants it so badly, but also because she's learning about herself and finding out that it is okay to be angry and experience her emotions. 

I went through a similar process several years ago.  Whether it is true or not, what a child feels or believes is very real at the time.  I believed my mother didn't love me.  I know, as an adult, that that was never true.  I can acknowledge that my mother loved me the only way she knew how to at the time (and there was a lot of pain and unresolved things in her own life then).  My mother's love toward me was very stilted and conditional - and, I think even she would allow that as a truth (if she could actually think about it w/out thinking I was being unforgiving in bringing it up).  My mother is definitely a different species of challenged, but I love her right where she is at (and it can be a huge effort, trust me, because she would believe me to be accusing her of something rather than just acknowledging where I was coming from).  So, I'm never pointing a finger - just saying "this is how it was" . . . but for some reason my mum can't go there.  So, I don't even try to bring it up in conversation.  Yes, she was horribly mean to me with the things she said to me growing up.  I could not win, because she chose me to terrorize when the mean spirit took over.  Her tongue was a weapon.  It still is.  But, I know that it's her mental illness - not her.  She is a beautiful Christian woman, who has always prayed for us.  That is the image I try and keep in my minds eye when I think on my mum. 

Forgiveness brings us peace.  It brings us understanding.  When I look at my mum, I have to realize that she, too, is a human being who wants so desperately to be noticed and loved.  Just like me.  Just like you.  It isn't easy when we are rejected and hurting and God is asking us to be the first to forgive AND be willing to stand there alone if the other party can't or won't join us.  It is terribly lonely to be in that position of forgiving and getting nothing from the other person(s).  But, we have to accept that some folks are not going to meet us there, and, it is uncomfortable.  We must always put those things to prayer.  We must trust God with our feelings of helplessness in those circumstances.  He will help us with that burden.

This is what I am hoping Sarah Ferguson finds on her journey . . . forgiveness does not excuse bad behaviour, but it does open the floodgates of our hearts to love ourselves and others more freely.  I pray she does find herself so that she can love herself as Christ loves her. 

To know Christ is to know love.  His place is a beautiful place to be.  Knowing we are all welcome means knowing that we must love .  .  . unconditionally . . . each and every other person.  We are our brother's keeper.  We must invite everyone along on this journey to Him.